"We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy never leaves" - Buddha
During the last few months, I've been on a deep journey of self-study. I started mostly in an effort to understand my thought process and through observation I've been able to identify a few interesting things.
As I've faced different challenges, either in my everyday life or in my yoga practice, I became aware of this idea lingering in my mind. I am not good enough. As I recognized this idea, I decided to explore the roots of why I believed this to be true. I discussed it with a good friend of mine and I realized where this seed might have been first planted. It started back in high school when I used to play for the volleyball team. The pressure and my nerves would get the best of me and when we would go to competitions sometimes I would play really well, and sometimes not so well. Not a big deal right? It happens to a lot of us. However, when I think back on how I used to feel every time I was not playing well, it is the same feeling I get now when I am about to embark on a new project, meet new people or set goals. I feel the hesitation because I believe deep down that I am not a good enough "player".
It is interesting to see how some events in our lives, especially in our early ages, leave such an imprint on our thought process. How a small event can affect our life so deeply that it makes us act a certain way according to what we believe to be true. In my life, it led to a lot of insecurities. I believe a lot of us carry irrational ideas/thoughts/beliefs from events in our early ages when we were just finding our way into the world and learning who we are. And whatever was believed to be true back then, remains locked in a little box inside our hearts.
However, if we find the courage to say the thoughts out loud, and to find the words to express how we truly feel, then maybe we'll be able find the root of where it all comes from. In my experience, when I articulated the idea, the words coming out of my mouth made no sense. I thought about how stupid and ridiculous it all sounded.
I wish all it took was to say it out loud for all of it to go away. But it takes a little bit more than that since we've been living in this reality where these thoughts are so true to us. Therefore, it takes commitment and patience to shift the perspective around. But, just by becoming aware of our thought process and where these insecurities stem from, we take a step towards overcoming them. Every time you find yourself in a situation where these irrational ideas arise, try to become aware of it so that you can make a conscious choice to not let it dictate the outcome.